Oh my goodness, what a day! I haven’t stopped since 6:00am but that is not uncommon. Sometimes I think it’s a good thing that I’m so busy but then it makes me a little nervous. I’ve been getting very overwhelmed lately. To be so tired and stressed constantly can’t be great for your mental state and sobriety in general. I have a few days off at the end of the month. I can not wait.
In the meantime I’m really trying to focus on self care and taking breaks when I can. This has to be short but I wanted to share a funny story from this morning. Well, at least I found it funny. I open my store at 11am on the weekdays so that gives me time in the mornings to run any errands and pick up supplies. Those few hours in the morning go fast and I’m always scheming and trying to think 3 steps ahead to be able to take the most efficient route, think a few days ahead and get it all done as fast as I can.
That sounds so organized, doesn’t it?
Well, it’s not. I mean, I always have the what and where planned out but my brain doesn’t like to stay focused. I’ve never officially been diagnosed with any sort of ADD but I’m convinced that I would have been if I was born later. I also talk to myself a lot. It drives my husband nuts and I can’t blame him. I find it easier to keep track of what I’m going to do if I say it out loud apparently. Sometimes I mutter. I skip words. And usually I’m running around while this is all going on. Filling the dog’s water bowl, emptying the coffee grounds, what have you. So here I am running all over muttering, turning on water, opening the garbage can and my husband is like, “What?” and I vaguely mutter back while going through the checklist is my head and finally he’s like, “What?!” and I’m like, “Oh, I’m talking to myself.” You know, like he’s the crazy one. This is how my day typically starts.
So, today started the same, a little worse, because as I mentioned, I’m a bit stressed. My husband and I say our morning goodbyes and I leave to run my errands. I’m also really running because I would like to get to my store early because, as usual, I’m behind from yesterday.
I stop at the supermarket to pick up some things that I’ll need for tonight. I was debating on getting hanging baskets for the house. I grab the hanging basket, realize I need two, put the one down, grab the second one, then realize that I should probably get a cart first, leave them for a minute while I run inside to grab a cart, realize that now I’m swimming upstream and getting back out is a pain, finally get back outside and they are – put back. Sigh. While this is an example of the excellent customer service they offer, I’m feeling so annoyed. I’m also super short so reaching things that tend to be a bit higher up is difficult for me. I grab them, start back inside and then realize I’m not going to be home until 10:00pm or later, don’t want to take them out of the car, but them back in, etc, etc. Rearrange the plan and head back out to put them back. All the while, probably making faces because I’m having this whole conversation (mostly) in my head. I do try to refrain from talking to myself too much in public. I feel like this needs a bit of explanation because why would hanging baskets of flowers be a dire decision? At the risk of loosing all credibility and written off as a complete drama queen, I will explain. Strictly as a means of advertisement for the business, which I am desperate for, my husband and I are going to be featured in a very local magazine. There is an article that has been written (mostly by us and pieced together by the publisher) and we are going to be featured on the front cover. Ahhh! So, on Monday, they are coming to our house to do a photo shoot. Ahhh! Because we’ll both be working all weekend, it gets really hard to get anything done on the weekends. This is my best shot. And the photo shoot HAS to be outside because our house, although beautiful, still isn’t unpacked and we’d probably end up on some list for hoarders if anyone comes in. I exaggerate only slightly.
So, here I am now, sans flowers and heading down the aisles as efficiently as I can and I stop to let someone pass between the aisle. I stop to let them through and then the contents of their cart catch my eye. In this moment, there is nothing I want more on earth than this man’s cart. I may have drooled a bit. At the very least I must have looked like a lost puppy, I think I let out a whimper. And I felt a deep pang. It’s Friday, the weather is getting nicer and the contents of this man’s cart are a party right before my eyes. I can smell the grill, feel the warmth of the sun, hear the chip bags rustling and I can practically feel those cool beers in my hand. I can feel the light splash on my hand as the can cracks open. The man nods his head in acknowledgement that I have stopped for him, he continues on to the register and I am so deflated. I want to shout at the man, it just feels so unfair. It’s only a moment, it passes and I continue on my way. I’m admittedly feeling sorry for myself as I look for a frozen dinner. Within moments I’m darting back between the aisles and I’m checking out.
No, that’s not the funny part.
On to my next stop at Marshall’s a few doors down to take a peek at shoes because the ones I’m planning on wearing for this photo shoot have seen better days. Long gone are my banking days and with it has gone my wardrobe. I live in jeans and flat shoes. I glance at the time and I’m having serious anxiety. I want to see if there is a new shirt I can pick up for my husband so I’m zipping down the aisles again and I pass the candles. Ooh! Candles! Yes, this works with my self care plan from the other day that I’ve nearly forgotten about. Ok, this is good. I’ll stop and smell the candles. I find one that I really, really like, score! (It’s only $6 too!) I’ve completely forgotten about shopping cart man and I’m happily zipping around with my new candle. When I take off the lid, I can smell it strongly. It’s the perfect blend of flowers and a little vanilla, it’s really good. Lately I’m finding scents calming. It’s become one of my go to’s when I’m stressed.
I look at the clock again and I’ve really got to hustle. I debate about what section to look at, start towards one, then realize I’ll never make it to both, head back and I’m doing this awkward little dance. Take a deep breath, take a whiff of my candle, damn that’s good. Down the aisles I go. As I’m heading towards the check out, very quickly, I pass a mirror. Out of the corner of my eye I see my reflection. And I loose it. It starts out as a giggle and now I’m full on laughing, to myself. People are starting to look and I’m finding this even more hysterical so now I really can’t help myself.
I kept opening the candle to smell it and at some point, I absentmindedly put the cover underneath the candle. So then I was running, quite literally, around the store, changing course every 2 minutes and to “keep my cool” I was practically huffing this candle with my face right in the glass jar. At this point, I’ve lost all wherewithal and I’m talking/muttering to myself. I just can’t get this ridiculous image out of my mind. Oh my goodness. Yes, I’ve turned into one of those people.
I don’t know if anyone else will find this funny or if I’ve described the ridiculous scene well enough, but I do know that I needed a laugh today and right now, I’ll take whatever I can get! And you really just can’t take things too seriously sometimes.
150 Days 