Well, it’s certainly been awhile. Sitting here on April 19th my world has changed in so very many ways. I am now 9 months pregnant. My little baby bump has taken over and I’m in a full swing waddle. I really can’t complain though as I’m still getting along very well and still able to work. We still don’t know the gender, go team green! I am really curious but it won’t be long now. So many people have said to me that they instinctively knew the baby’s gender when they were pregnant, or had dreams. I can honestly say that I have absolutely no idea. You could tell me either way and I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised. I’ve been very fortunate (knock, knock, knock on wood) that I haven’t had any trouble or complications. Especially now.
It’s hard to believe that a few short weeks ago, back in February, my husband and I traveled a few hours to see friends for a much needed weekend away. We met with three different groups of friends, hit up ALL the restaurants and stayed in a small but very reasonably priced hotel. I am so grateful that we took that trip.
As my belly has grown so have my fears. I’m less than a month away from my due date and I am so excited to meet little one. I just wish it didn’t have to be in the middle of a pandemic. But we don’t choose these things and I am still so grateful to be getting good care and that I am feeling well. It certainly is a changed world. It hurts to think of what kind of world I am bringing a child into.
I don’t know many things but I do know that I am not drinking and that I am present. Yes, now I am pregnant but soon I won’t be and I’m strengthening my resolve to remain sober and present. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about going through the pandemic while drinking. I can see it sometimes and how it would go so clearly. The beginning would be ok. I’d secretly be super excited to be spending more time at home so that I could drink more. With all the stress of the pandemic I’d need to drink for sure. But it wouldn’t be a glass of wine or two at night before bed. It would begin earlier and earlier and I would feel more and more awful. I know that I would have put myself at a higher risk because I would be going to the stores more often. A lot more often. I feel that making clear decisions about my business would be much more difficult and pivoting to online sales and deliveries would’ve been just that much more challenging with terrible hangovers.
Things are far from perfect but I still truly feel that I made the right decision for me by letting go of drinking. With all the craziness in the world I’ve had a few fleeting thoughts about drinking after the baby is born. I’m not going to let it bother me too much. The thoughts can creep in but that’s all they are. Here’s to the future and hoping things sort themselves out sooner rather than later.
150 Days 