Tag: Sober Curious

Day 617 – New Year, New You….

JanuaryCalendar

It’s a week from the new year, 2020. This week always tends to bring reflection for me because it is the week where I tended to struggle the most with alcohol. It’s hard to believe that was only 2 years ago. It feels like a lifetime ago and in many ways, it is. Looking back on that week and in particular, New Year’s Eve, is still painful but I am so thankful that it led to better things and a different ending to 2018. (You can read more about that here, On New Year’s Day)

For most others, it’s an alcohol soaked season filled with wine, memes, and more wine, at least according to Facebook. I try to use this season as a reminder that not only do I not need to rely on alcohol but I am far better off without it. Sure, there are FOMO pangs but that’s all they are and I am confident at this point that I am most definitely not missing out. Especially the hangovers, which are always missing from the memes.

At the end of this year, I am thinking about so many different things. I have the usual “New Year, New You” thoughts. Eat healthier, write more, work on the business more, work on the house more, fill up my fancy new calendar, read more books and stick with my exercise routine but I know that next year will be different from the others. Next year will be, “New Year, New You and Baby too…” That’s right! My husband and I are expecting. A baby. I am due right in the middle of May, just in time for Spring and the warmer weather. So right now I am right at the halfway mark. One week until I am 20 weeks. I am so excited but I wouldn’t be being honest if I didn’t say that I am also anxious, scared and completely unsure of how I’m going to pull everything on my to-do list off in a mere 20 weeks. I’m trying to tell myself that I’ve done more with less time but I’m not really so sure that I have…

I can tell you though that this will not become a parenting blog. There are so very many already and I am sure that I will be leaning on more than a few in this new journey as a first time parent. Please feel free to send any suggestions. Send help. Humor is always appreciated. TIA!

I also know that at this moment I feel very grateful that I began this AF (alcohol free) journey almost 2 years ago. I would not be typing any of these words, which still seem so unreal, if I had not stopped drinking. So there’s that. I’m also pretty sure that I’ve written this before but there are so many sentences that start with, “Because I did not drink today _________________”.  And the good news is that is never gets old to fill-in-the-blank.

I know that next year will bring so many changes and I don’t know how it will all work out or what the year will look like when all is said and done. I don’t know if my little over 2 year business will be able to withstand the demands it will be facing or what my future as a Mom looks like. So for right now I am going to enjoy Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and the week leading up to 2020. I am going to enjoy 2 whole days off with my husband, knowing that next year at this time our little family will be 3.

 

Day 472-The Summer of Seconds

Whew! It’s been a minute since I have been able to post but I’m still moving right along. Enjoying my second AF (Alcohol Free) Summer and it has been BUSY! Still don’t have much time to get it all written down but there a few things I’d really like to share. Especially for anyone who is “sober curious”, just starting out on their journey, or just needs a little extra motivation today, this is for you.

Last summer was fantastic! It was my first AF summer in a really long while and I took up running, enjoyed a busy work season hangover free, had the energy to get outdoors as much as possible and took one or two weekend trips (a real rarity). It was absolutely wonderful. I hosted my first party with alcohol since being AF, enjoyed boozy free summer days and felt like I was rediscovering, well, life! This was probably the pink cloud talking but it was really great. I was loosing weight, my confidence was getting better and I was rocking it. I was so excited for all of these “new” experiences. I made a mental checklist and checked off every new event, or experience, that I had while sober – DONE.

With that being said, I also had a little bit of anxiety with each new thing. It felt wonderful to re-experience things and reconnect with people but there was always a teeny bit of a worry of a fear missing out or how is this going to make me feel, going through my mind. What would people say? Would they notice? In the end, it all turned out just fine. A few people were probably surprised the first time I turned down a cold one but it was no big deal, no one even asked why.  I  had one massive craving after celebrating Memorial Day Weekend sober last year. (Yes, after, isn’t that strange?) I got pissed off, felt cheated, went for a run, came home, had dinner and immediately realized I was probably just hungry to begin with.

I figured this summer would be more of the same minus the excitement of “firsts”, although there were still a few. But this summer has been just a little different. I have enjoyed all of the things that I enjoyed last year, except this year, I didn’t have any of the “first jitters”. I had such a great time last summer and building up the “firsts” really helped my confidence in a wonderful way. This year though, my mind was quieter. I was able to experience everything in a new way, yet again. I have had moments where I am just so content that it has brought tears to my eyes. Content seems like such an odd word to use to express joy but that is the best way to describe it. I’m not wanting for something or feeling the need for anything external. I have been able to be in the moment and have a full of appreciation for it. It’s happened at odd times too. When my friend’s daughter was visiting, it was as I was washing dishes and we were chatting. On Monday or Tuesdays my husband and I like to drive a little further to go out for dinner and I feel this contentment while we are driving on the less traveled roads and I’m watching the grass go by. During one of my best friend’s wedding weekend while many were nursing hangovers, my husband and I were out exploring the town where I took this cover photo after the town librarian showed us a secret garden. When we were watching fireworks in the park on a beautiful summer night, I was so happy to not be preoccupied with drinking.

And for this, I am so very grateful.