In about 2 weeks I will be celebrating my first soberversary. This year has had so many positive changes. I’ve been keeping notes everyday and I can’t wait to recap.
For other reasons though, I am seriously struggling. Today I had a really close call. I ended up leaving the store with a six pack of non-alcoholic beer so I’m calling that a win. I was hoping to have the blog all caught up but unfortunately I haven’t had the time. Running the business day to day and trying to play catch up everyday has been taking up all of my time and energy. It is also a major source of stress, anxiety, sleeplesss nights and no time off. It’s been a little over a year and I honestly don’t know how much longer I can go on like this without a relapse. It’s not the work I mind. I actually like working and I’ve been so grateful to have that to keep my focus. I’ve gotten caught up on all my 2018 financials and plainly put, it was soul crushing. I feel like such a complete and utter failure right now. I truly feel deflated.
2018 was wonderful for so many other reasons and I really wish that I could fully feel those wins. I quit drinking, I quit smoking (yes, I FINALLY did in December for anyone who has followed along) and I lost 5olbs. Hitting any one of these goals is a major accomplishment. If someone else told me that they had accomplished all 3, I would tell them to be sooo proud of themselves.
I just don’t feel that way right now. I can’t get past the fact that the business is losing money and it feels like there is nothing I can do. 2019 has a lot of catching up to do.
Apologies for the depressing post. As my new favorite saying goes, “A bad day only lasts 24 hours”. I took this picture at Target, so you never know when inspiration will strike. It makes me hopeful for Spring.
150 Days 