Self care. It’s a topic I feel like I come to frequently but that’s probably because it’s something that I really struggle with. Up until a year and a half ago, I did not practice, or know the meaning of, self care. I thought I did. It’s still not a part of my life the way I would like it to be but alas, if nothing else, I am a work in progress.

Before I began this AF (alcohol free) journey, I thought I was practicing self care and enjoying “me time” by stocking up on beer, wine, filling up the backup gin bottle and doubling up on packs of cigarettes for any length of time off. The story would always unfold in the same way and if I “play the movie forward”, a coping mechanism I have found very helpful, it ALWAYS ends the same. Spoiler alert: usually feeling pretty crappy about myself with an awful hangover to boot. Despite seeing this now, not only did I practice this self destructive form of “self care” for over a decade but I looked forward to it endlessly and clung to it desperately.

So what do you do when the only form of self care you have ever known is slowly killing you? Habits are hard to break but not impossible and I had to find a way to answer this question. Not only my health but my longer term happiness depended on it.

I still don’t feel like I have a proper answer but this last leg of my journey has really forced me to face the question head on. Now that I am pregnant, I can’t sneak the occasional cigarette. Due to a minor complication, running and working have also been out of the picture for the last few months. Anything that smells even remotely pleasant makes me nauseous so my candles and incense oils are very sadly out too. There were a few days there where I really felt like I was loosing it.

As it turns out, some of the things that I really liked to do when I was younger, like way younger, are still some of my favorite things. This was also another excellent tip that I learned from the sober course, to think about the things that you enjoyed doing before alcohol consumption came into your life, even if that goes back to childhood or your teen years.

Here is a list of what I’ve found really helpful lately.

Reading – I was always an avid reader but over the last few years I stopped finding time. (One of the all time reasons I really miss the subway but that’s a different story) At some point recently though I realized that I was scrolling Facebook and Instagram mindlessly for more time than I care to admit. So instead of the mind numbing scrolling, I pull out a book now. It’s so much more relaxing and I’m being inspired with what I’m choosing to read. It’s never for a long time but even those 10 or 15 minutes here and there make a big difference. With many libraries being centrally connected now and download options, it’s also budget friendly.

Writing – I was always a strong writer for school assignments and I really enjoyed it. Give me a paper to write any day. As someone who spent 10 years finishing college, my inner geek still gets excited about fun paper topics. It never occurred to me until more recently though to write for fun. To be honest, I don’t know if I’m any good at it but I’m enjoying it and for now that’s the point. so darn it, it made the list. And again, it’s nice and budget friendly which clearly excites me.

Window Shopping – Window shopping is extremely underrated. When I was younger window shopping meant walking to the avenue and literally, looking in the storefront windows but now that means randomly walking the aisles of Marshalls and Target. And it’s kind of great. One of the things that motivated me very early on in sobriety was thinking of all the money I would save. (Wow, I’m now realizing how cheap, well, let’s say frugal, I am, yikes) I love clothing, jewelry, shoes and fashion in general. Like, seriously love it. As we have now established, I am also pretty darn frugal. Everything I own was either previously on a sale rack or in someone else’s closet. Now don’t get me wrong, I have plenty and then some. Window shopping provides me with the excitement and inspiration of seeing the new styles out and yes, I’m sure I buy things I wouldn’t if I wasn’t roaming the aisles but I can’t say that I have ever walked out of a store spending hundreds of dollars that I didn’t plan to. If that’s not your deal, this may not be for you, but it’s been working for me.

Hot Chocolate – I always try to keep the self care treats calorie free as I have struggled with my weight but this is one indulgence I’ve been letting myself have lately. Almost every day I go to Starbucks and get a venti hot chocolate. And yes, I shudder to think of the calories and know that my post pregnant self will not be have these. I should also be terribly ashamed of myself but I’ve decided that it’s what I really want and especially at this stage of the game, how many indulgences do I really have? The shame comes from being a small business owner and personally knowing the owner of our local coffee shop. Friends don’t let friends drink Starbucks folks. But for some reason that’s what I want lately so you know what, I’m going to not beat myself up for five minutes and have it. I still visit my local coffee shop often and if I am in a position to stay for awhile and meet someone, that is still my absolute first choice. Please. Don’t tell anyone.

Painting my nails – Don’t get me wrong, I would love to get mani/pedis every week and if that’s your thing, you absolutely should but the time gets tight and yes, it also gets a little expensive. About a year ago my mother introduced my to this life changing, yes, life changing product and now at the beginning of most weeks I sit down while my husband and I watch tv and give myself a little mani/pedi. I have little patience for sitting still and every time I would attempt to do my nails they would be ruined before the night was over. Well, OPI sells what I refer to as magic polish. It’s quick dry drops and after you paint your nails, you use a dropper to apply and your nails will set in 60 seconds. I wouldn’t go do the dishes right afterwards but you can move around without messing up your mani. You’re welcome. I’ve also started to choose a color to inspire me for the week which gets me thinking about how I want the week to go, what I want to do, etc. It’s become a nice little practice and you feel good about your digits all week long.

The other thing about self care that I am just learning is that it doesn’t have to be a long and drawn out affair. Now, this may sound more like common sense than a revelation but I’m all or nothing kind of gal and I can discourage myself easily with preconceived notions. In the past I have pictured those with perfect self care routines and envision a large bath drawn with rose petals, candles, chocolates and specialty bubble bath. And while that sounds lovely and may be the absolute perfect thing, lately I’m so tired at night that I’m struggling with bathing in general. Again, don’t tell anyone. The point being, there is nothing wrong with my 10 minute hot shower. Aside from the perks of basic hygiene, it’s a nice ending to the day, I sleep better and a little something that I look forward to. And friends, there is nothing wrong with that.